HOPE: An extinction

Its tough...

Its rough...

and above all else, its not fun...at all...

Rather a depressed soul who had undergone similar melancholic experiences in the past, would ideally be able to understand what I mean, what it truly means.

3rd of July till date...its been slightly more than 3 months. Since that day, I have met many women, drink-bed-goodbye. Drank enough to say that I don't want the next pint any more..of course that's not yet true.

Last night, I thought of her. A lot. I thought of all the things we did together, we had done. It felt like as if there still was hope for once. I could still get her back. She can still be mine. I missed her. I missed her a lot then...I began night-dreaming once again, after a long time. My dreams were still the same. It was still about how I could have done things a bit more different that night at the bar or even before that. Or what if I just stayed and drank with my colleagues? Or simply drank at home. 

When reality kicks in...you begin to hate yourself even more. When you realize that HOPE is extinct for that past we had together. HOPE is lost...

But even if I were to just get a small glimpse of it, I would go to the ends of the world to bring her back. Do anything I could to bring back the girl I loved for the first time ever in my life..I'd like to keep that forever. But HOPE was lost..

The next day, I saw a recent picture of her in my email account. I was not stalking her, instead it was as if HOPE wanted me to see it for myself. I was dead inside..again. She looked as beautiful as ever, those eyes, the nose, the hair...I missed everything about her that instant. But the irony was HOPE only wanted to tease me, when it clearly knew that it is lost for good.

Life is this one cruel journey.... 

The irony is physical pain lasts only a few days, pain where you actually bleed or break a bone or two and YET its the emotional one that gets the best of us. 

As much as I'd like to say that - from the mind of a rational being all things can be discussed and all problems be resolved through time or constructive negotiations, yet most of us prefer emotions to take the better of us.

The girl I loved, cared for, changed for...is gone, and RATIONALITY will not bring her back.